1. |
No Longer Human
09:30
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2. |
Preta
04:36
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Let’s take a ride
To the sky tonight
In a balloon pinned
To the clouds
Nothing to be heard
Everything to feel
The tongue of the air
Licking us clean
Take this red bauble
Place it where it needs to be
We take the winds but hold still
Swirling all inside
Silver star pyrites
Filled to bursting
With the glitter of the moon
I’ll come here again
Through the smoking debris
Through the fog that swallows me
I’ll find here again
In the still of clarity
When I’m not letting myself be
OK
No more waiting
For that shotgun kiss
I’ll gulp down
Firsthand, I insist
Fill myself
Before I fuck myself too hard
No longer empty
Like a promise
To myself
To be OK
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3. |
Speak Ill
07:34
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Life can seem very long
When you’re dead
Dead wrong
Not one of you would face the music
So I’m sending you all this song
And even if you all refuse it
It’s OK because I don’t need to belong
It can’t be long
It won’t be long now
Until there’s nobody here
When you left me
I swore I’d never speak
Of you - like I did before
But I just can’t help myself
How could I expect anybody else
We did the sickness but skipped the health
I speak ill of you
Though it’s bad for my health
Life can seem very quick
When you’re taking your time
And never sick
The family were always excusing
All the shit that you did that was wrong
And yet they found a way of accusing
Me because I didn’t belong
I don’t belong
It won’t be long
Until there’s nobody there
When you left me
I thought I’d never be
The same as I was before
And why do I keep dining out on such bad taste
Well you died so I might and I can’t see it go to waste
I don’t make light to cope or to shrink all the pain
I speak ill so that everyone can feel it the same
I speak ill because that’s what you were
And we were just the same
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4. |
Head Like Murder
04:53
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Today is just a waiting room
And I’m the pretty face of the rolling bad news
Within the static and the traffic of daydreams
Find a window cos I’m so low
Cos everything is what it seems
And I can’t take it any further
With this head filled heavy like lead
With murder
Today is just a waiting room
I’m the old magazines of the people of means
dog-eared and dog-chewed
Tomorrow pinky promised
Ways to go cos I’m so low
We’ll get there, honest
Lift me up - to the highest girder
Cos my head is heavy like lead
With murder
She asked me ‘What’s it like being you?’
All the bile and spite in your bite should give you a clue
Have you ever watched a baby smile
And all these new ideas arise
All these shiny new ways to die
I can’t take it
All I have left to give is up
Out of reach
If I can make it
Tomorrow better bring better luck
If my humour is the lowest form
I’ll keep my chasm cos at least it keeps me warm
You think I’m only hurting you
Get behind me
There's a queue
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5. |
A Glass, Darkly
04:25
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Through the darkest glass
A mirror to the world
Smashed and cracked the fractals shimmer
Eyes through eyes through eyes
Around all corners curled
Timid in the dimmest glimmer
Do you understand it's just a blink?
O, I know you won't
I'm told it's me and I over think
But it's that you don't
What you hear are the birth cries
Of a crescent moon
Forever growing thinner
Dying as it's born
As when the hero finds his boon
Or the penance of the sinner
So why raise the tide so that you might sink -
When you could buoy us all?
The satellite wanes as I kill the link
Veil my mind in a caul
To think is to Fall
Did you think at all?
Do you understand all within a blink?
O, I know you won't
I'm told it's me and I overthink
But it's that you don't
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6. |
Sylvia Plath
04:09
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You take a break
Life is a book - and you’re the author
Scribble out your mistakes
Have you drank enough water?
You better wed this beast
You better be the priest
You can make your vows amid the objections
Or you could just avoid
Your shadow, paranoid
And fill your silhouette with
Scrawny projections
Keep your guard up against
That slit your wrists music
A kids’ party in your head on loop
And all this ignorance - why do we choose it?
Well it’s bliss so it seems
What ever that means
It’s so goshesd-darned therapeutic
And always remember
There’s a meme for everything
Take some deep breaths
Youdoyou - why not flout it?
Yes you’re down in the depths
So why not do a pottery class about it?
Keep puffing out that chest
You can pretend it’s best
Not to inspect and just to keep going
And if you take that tack
You’ll find no way back
As you get bigger so the shadow keeps growing
You run a bath
This is your journey - to the middle of the road
Live, love and laugh
If it uplifts then read that quote!
Oh, sure, your heart’s in the right place
But that doesn’t mean that it can simply waltz in
It’s my pity party (and I’ll DIE if I want to!)
and no love and laughter lives within
Your heart is in the right place
But it’s not getting in here
And the darkness you choose not to face
Isn’t ever going to disappear
So can you hear
What I hear?
You know it doesn’t make you sick
Big smiles, big ears
For that slit your wrists music
If you can't hold on
Just go for a walk
Or run a bath
To quote Sylvia Plath
'Live, love and laugh!'
Uh? What about people who can't walk?
LALALALALALALALALALALA
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7. |
That's How I Wear My Rue
06:15
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I bet I can make you mad
By giving up all we have to prove
Just to prove
I’m worth your time
That I’d be anything to lose
To lose
Casting nets to catch
The heartsick riffraff
Blind them with my pretty hue
That’s how I wear my rue
With some other I’ve been talking
In the lee of a horse stalking
Making stories from what’s been said
Like some high priest of the navel
Foretelling yet unable
To see the voices are in my head
Took the tongues, went to hide
Licked my wounds from inside
To a bruise
Bruise
In anger I find my glee
But I was wronged, silently
accuse
I accuse
Everyone of every crime
Though all their faces look like mine
I choose
Choose
To find mine much prettier - that’s how I wear my rue
It feels real when I’m talking
I feel the pinch of mocking
Words clenching their teeth, the dread
Always looking out for the next big elderly war
I can’t see it’s in my head
When the whole world takes up arms
You can’t always rely on your charms
When I’m running out of fight
Sometimes I tell myself
At least I’m right
At least I dressed right
In my rue
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8. |
River Twice
09:40
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Out they went lips slicked with gin, hearts filled fat, up to the brim,
to find the hill that they would die on
Looking for the perfect whim, into the night they both windmilled, with a new skin to try on
Bodega stop to buy two flutes, of the bottom-shelf-best to get them lubed, or get somewhere close to blindness
Cheap gut-rot to get blotto, to help forget what they were made to know, that they’d sooner self harm than accept another’s kindness
She came into his life, went about it without knowing
Whether she was coming or going
From widow back to wife,
Always worried if it was showing
‘Come on, let’s go!’ she belched high, threw her tuba to the sky, he watched it graze the super moon
Pushed him to a rainbow bar, set ablaze in brimstone arcs, towards the gone too soon
‘All good things shall come to pass’ - then some things they stick like glass - stick right inside your brain
A Mardi Gras band of brass, kicking bottles into the long grass, never will they come back again
The back and forth of words, ebbing away at both in turns, like watchmen they do their duty
So many things we never learn, we can only remember as they burn, memory is the ward of beauty
Like childhood she is never coming back
Like a child would I took the blame, took it as fact
What will come will go
You can’t dip your toe in the same river twice
There was an upside down rainbow
That I'm never gonna know
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Mark James Hammond & The Slender Blind Gateshead, UK
Casting about for the ineffable, Cthonic and Esoteric. For the Slender. Blind.
From Gateshead.
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